When I stayed
by cait09
Summary: This is my version of what happens after Mia wakes up at the end of If I stay. (Some mild language)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I have only read chapter one of the sequel 'Where she went' so I apologise if there are any cross overs. Disclaimer: I do not own If I Stay Gayle Forman does.**

 **Mia's POV**

Today is my last day in hospital. They wouldn't let me go any sooner to make sure that all my injuries wouldn't continue to cause trouble. I feel safe here, where I don't have to worry about anything and have my favourite nurses still coming by, but at the same time it kills me to stay here where all I can remember is running around helplessly watching as my family died. Every time I think about this and the word... _orphan..._ I want to scream, I want to change my decision and die; but there is no way to rethink or redo my final decision. This I'm almost grateful for, I felt so confused and lost. I never want to feel that way again.  
It took a while to decide where to live. Legally I could live on my own but I sure as hell wasn't going to do that. In the end I decided to stay with Willow and Henry. It just felt like the right thing to do.

Three hours later, we pulled up in Willow and Henry's driveway. It took longer to get there as I never want to drive on the road where it happened again. I feel like being there would make the memories too painful. Climbing out the car, I followed Willow up the porch steps and into the cool entrance hall.  
'I'll show you to your room.' She said heading off further into the house. 'This way.'  
At the far end of the house on the right was a room with a camp bed pushed up against the far wall, with a dresser squeezed in at the foot of it. The floor was covered with a musty, worn, cream carpet and the walls were painted an off white, with a bare bulb hanging in the centre of the room.  
'It's not much, but I'm sure we can spruce it up a bit, add some homely touches.'  
'It's fine. Thank you Willow' I said offering a weak smile.  
'I'll go get some covers. Blue or pink?'  
'Blue.'  
'Okay, I'll just be a minute.' Willow said touching my arm before disappearing off down the hallway. Now alone, I let my shoulder sag as I knelt on the bed to crack open a window, which looked out onto the backyard.  
'Here we go.' Willow said remerging in the doorway, making me jump slightly. We then worked in welcome silence as I helped Willow make the bed.  
'You know where the shower is, just help yourself to anything. There's a towel in the bottom draw, and I managed to get a change of clothes and pyjamas from your house which are in the top.' Willow explained signalling over to the dresser, 'I thought we might be able to go and get the rest tomorrow?'  
'Sure, thanks.' I replied as Willow disappeared again leaving me in peace.

A few minutes later, I decided to take up her off and had a long shower, scrubbing all traces of the hospital and its disinfectant smell from my body. Once in my pyjamas I felt a sudden wave of exhaustion wash over me, so I slipped back to my room and curled up tightly under the crisp covers, squeezing my eyes tight shut.

 **Adam's POV**

I was...relieved. I felt as though a sudden weight had been lifted from my shoulders when Mia squeezed my hand back. I had missed several shows, practices and band meetings while at the hospital. But I didn't give a shit. And I don't think anyone else did either. The rest of the band spent a lot of time at the hospital with me, waiting for Mia to wake up. But now she was here, alive, I can't help thinking that something's going to change. And that scares me. I knew I had promised Mia that I would leave, if she wanted me to, but I feel like it would kill me. I don't want to let her go.  
A week or so after Mia woke up the band insisted that we start practicing again. That we didn't want to lose it from missing so many sessions. We had a practice today, 3 hours long. I felt pretty exhausted afterwards, but I dragged myself to the hospital to see Mia and arrived at exactly 2:10 in the afternoon. I felt bad for leaving her, but as Liz had pointed out: me being there wasn't going to change much.

I stood as patiently as possible at the reception desk as the receptionist went through the details at an excruciatingly slow speed.  
'Here...' she drawled in a heavy accent, 'She was checked out at...' she said running her finger down the monitor, '1:23pm.'  
'What? To which wing.'  
'No. She was checked out permanently. To go home.' She said acting as though I was stupid to ask. _Why didn't she tell me?_ I thought feeling a little hurt.  
'Who with?' I asked trying to keep a level tone.  
'Sorry, sir. But that information is confidential.' she drawled, her boredom snapping my nerves.  
'For god's sake.' I growled losing my cool hitting my fist on the counter, 'Why can't you tell me?'  
'I told you sir, that is highly confidential.'  
 _I just want to see Mia._ I thought to myself physically sagging. Defeated I dragged myself back out to my car and slumped into the driver's seat, resting my head on the wheel before hauling my phone out of my pocket and scrolling down my contacts to Mia's number before hitting call. I pressed my phone to my ear, impatient, before getting straight to answerphone. 'Ugh!' I groaned, feeling immediately frustrated before typing Mia a quick text _'Where r u? x'._ I then rested my head back against the seat waiting for a reply. When impatience got the better of me I fished out my phone and asked Kim. ' _I think she's at Willow's.'_ she replied almost instantly. _'Thanks'_ I replied quickly before starting up the engine and pulling out onto the motorway.

 **A/N: Well that's chapter 1. Sorry if it was a little boring, it will hopefully get more interesting soon. I will try and update a minimum of once a month, but with life going on I may struggle. Thanks for reading :) ~ Cait09**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed Chp 1. Here's number 2 :).**

 **Mia's POV**

By the time I emerged from my room the next day Willow had already moved on to lunch. 'Look who's up!' she joked flashing me a smile, 'Well you can either skip breakfast and have grilled cheese with me, or there cereal and bread in there.' She said pointing to a tall cabinet.  
'Do you have coffee?' I asked, I knew she did but I still felt like a guest and asked instead.  
'Sure, over there.' Following her finger I headed straight to the coffee maker and flip the switch, eager to refill my caffeine levels. 'I was thinking once we're done eating we could go get some more of your things.'  
'Yeah sure.' I said now dreading this job. To be back in my house...  
Finally the coffee pinged and I poured it quickly into a burgundy mug before taking a long slip. I then poured myself a bowl of cornflakes before sitting down opposite Willow, looking out the window where a few angry clouds hung over us.  
Thirty minutes later I was dressed in a pair of skinny jeans, a white singlet and purple zip up hoodie, and slowly following Willow back up the car. Willow put the radio onto the classical station giving me a small smile. But then Beethoven's Cello Sonata no. 3 came on and I was suddenly back on the road: snow melting, mum being zipped into a bag, blood, I can't find Teddy! My hand flew to the radio dial, as I tried to shake the thoughts from my head, flicking it to Willow's preferred station. I felt her give me a slight sideways glance before returning her eyes to the road.  
Once we had pulled up outside my house - my old house - the clouds decided it was time to dump their load, and rain began hammering down intensely, almost impairing your view. Still I hesitated at the bottom of the porch steps my stomach clenching tightly. _Do I want to go in there?_ As I slowly reached for the doorknob I felt a flood of memories wash over my brain.  
 _Dad coming home with my very own cello.  
Reading Teddy 'Harry Potter' as he dosed off beside me. __Mum throwing back her head and laughing at one of dad's dodgy signature jokes.  
Dad and Teddy flipping burgers on Labour Day, big grins plastered across their faces.  
_Finally turning the knob I felt tears begin to streak down my cheeks before I wiped them away fiercely with the sleeve of my jumper, pressing the heel of my palms into my eyes.  
At the foot of the door the mail had been piling up. The sight of all these unopened letters brought Julliard to the front of my head, finding myself on my knees filtering through each letter one by one... _Mr & Mrs Hall, Mister T Hall, the Hall family, Denny Hall, Mrs K Hall, Mia Hall. _The list went on and on but no envelope had the Julliard logo anywhere.  
'Are you okay?' Willow asked, noticing the baffled look now wore on my face.  
'Yeah. It's just...I was expecting a letter from Julliard. It should have come while I was in hospital.' I explained, my level of disappointment taking me a little by surprise.  
'I'm sure it was just delay.'  
'Maybe.' I said as Willow walked past me into the living room.  
Climbing to my feet I shut the door to the foul weather and went over to the kitchen sink where I began to wring out my hair. A spillage of flour still lay scattered on the counter next to an empty bottle of chocolate chips and a stack of 4 dirty plates from mum's chocolate chip pancake experiment. I now understand how people say when you die everything just stops. You don't have time to clean up. Turning away from the faded counter I headed up to my room, passing our old retro fridge plaster with photos of memories like Teddy's first ride on a bike and me and mum at one of dad's concerts, his original groupies. I climbed the stairs quietly, taking in the silence, before turning off into me room. In the far corner sat my old grey cello stand; my bed lay still unmade, pushed up against a wall; my walls were still the same minty blue, plastered with posters and photos; and my favourite pyjamas hung off the back of my chair from the morning of the crash. Turning away I opened my wardrobe and pulled out my big leather backpack before loading in as many clothes as possible. Then on top, I place a photo of me, Kim and Adam; a Yo Yo Ma poster and a framed photo of my family on an autumn walk.

 **Adam's POV**

Rubbing my hands together I sat in Willow's driveway preparing to go in. Finally plucking up the courage I slipped out of the car, the paper crinkling loudly in my pocket. Breathing deeply I raised my hand to knock on the door. A few seconds passed before footsteps began echoing down the hall towards me.  
'Adam.' Henry said a few minutes later, the baby resting on one hip, a slightly shocked expression worn on his face, 'Would you like to come in?'  
'Um..yes please.' I mumbled awkwardly sidestepping through the doorway.  
'Mia's at her house with Willow. Collecting a few things.' he said noticing me looking round for her, 'You're welcome to wait if you want, they shouldn't be much longer.'  
'Thanks.' I said following him into the kitchen and perching on one of the dinning room tables. 'Tea?'  
'Yes please.' I said beginning the long wait for Mia.

 **Mia's POV**

After about half an hour Willow drove us home, the boot full of miscellaneous items from my old house, a sad icy silence spreading between us. Its was a relief as I heard the tires begin to crunch up the driveway towards home.  
I went into the kitchen to find Adam sat at the table opposite Henry and the baby.  
'Oh...uh...hey.' Adam said standing up not quite sure what to do with himself before a look of recall spun over his face before reaching deep into his jean pocket. 'I brought you this,' he said pulling out my Julliard letter. So that's why it was gone. 'Sorry,' he continued suddenly shy, 'I hadn't realised you would be going back today.'  
The envelope was rather creased but still had it's original seal. I wanted to be the first to open it. 'I'll just be a minute.' I said excusing myself to my room so I could have a moment alone.  
Once in my room, I sat down on the bed and stared at the letter. What did it say? Did I even want to open it?  
I turned away from the letter momentarily to fish around in my bag for the posters and photos. I took my family photo and placed it tentatively on the dresser, feeling my tears well up as I gazed at it briefly before hanging Yo Yo Ma on the wall beside my pillow. Catching a glimpse of the letter laying lonely on the bed I returned to its side. Breathing deeply I raised it to eye height and slipped my thumb under the seal.

 **A/N: (sorry didn't proof read) Thanks for reading :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Mia's POV**

I slowly began to peel back the envelope flap before ripping it all off at once. The paper inside smelt expensive and crisp. I gently slipped my hand inside before slowly pulling out the piece of paper that had the power to change my life. I breathed in deeply before unfolding the paper to reveal a neat black print. My eyes instantly fell to the paper and began reading:

 _Dear Ms. Mia Hall  
I am delighted to inform you that after..._

I got in! I felt a weight pour off my chest as my emotions soared with a mix of relief and joy. Then it all came crashing back down. There was no dad to say: _It told you not to worry. We knew you'd get in._ No Teddy to cheer and request a celebration with chocolate chip pancakes. And none of my mum's hugs.  
I felt the joy crumple up inside me, like a piece of discarded litter, depression now looming over me in its place. I felt my tears well up, but I let them spill over, streaking down my cheeks, and dripping onto my already soaked jumper. I curled up in the middle of my bed, back pressed up against the wall, and let my tears fall silently wherever they pleased.

 **Adam's POV**

I had managed an attempt at small talk with Willow and Henry but the anticipation was killing me. It was like I was the one with my future on the line here, not Mia. After a while I couldn't take it anymore. Mia must have opened it by now. Before I could restrain myself I was thudding down the hallway in search of Mia's room. But when I found it, I wish I hadn't. I had never seen her like this. Ever. Seeing her in such pain hurt me. I couldn't bare to see her so upset.  
I spotted a lonely box of tissues on the dresser and plucked a few out before perching on the bed beside her. I didn't know what to say.  
'There's always other unis.' I attempted offering her the tissues.  
'I got in.' She said, her voice so thick with snot and tears that I could barely hear, before tucking further into herself, her body shacking with each sob. I couldn't understand why getting what she had worked so hard for made her so upset.

 **Mia's POV**

I felt embarrassed balling my eyes out in front of Adam but I couldn't help myself. I couldn't stop now. It was like weeks of emotion had stacked up and up until it was just too much. The cherry on top sending me tumbling down. I could feel I was out of control, each sob now automatic. I wanted to stop. It felt horrible.  
'Mia.' Adam said in attempted comfort. He obviously didn't understand. How could he?  
I forced myself to rise my head slightly and Adam immediately tried to make eye contact before laying a hand on my arm before squeezing my hand.  
'Whatever's wrong. I'll help you Mia. I'll help you sort it out. I promise.' He said, finally finding the words he wanted to say. Right then all I wanted to say is, I love you. But I couldn't form the words.

 **A/N: Thanks for reading :). Hope it wasn't too sad. Sorry it's a little short, I thought this was a good end to the chapter.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Adam's POV**

'Can we stop here?' I asked as our 10th round of the new song came to an end. It's not that I didn't want to be there for them, to practise, it's just I _needed_ to see Mia. After the way I found her the other day, I felt bad when I wasn't there.  
'Sure' Liz said sensing my tension, 'We'll pick up from here tomorrow?'  
'Yeah, sure.' I said, bag already in hand heading for the door.

 **Mia's POV**

I lay on my bed, hair sprawled out around me, as Yo Yo Ma's The Six Suites played out of the small stereo that Willow had lent me. As the notes sang out into the room I copied the fingering on my imaginary cello, suddenly having a craving to play. As the first section came to an end, I felt my mind sliding back to the day Adam took me to that concert. I missed it. Everything was so simple. I had a family.

 **Kim's POV**

I've been trying to give Mia's her space but it's so _hard_. School is almost impossible without her there to talk to. It had been three days now and I couldn't wait any longer. Fishing my phone out of my pocket I typed out a quick text - _hey, OK if we meet up? x_ \- and when I didn't get a reply I decided I was going to go see her whether she liked it or not.

 **Mia's POV**

'Mia!' I heard Kim's voice shout from somewhere off to the right jolting me from my light sleep. Yo Yo Ma was still playing beside me and an early evening light shone through the propped open window. As I slowly sat up on my elbows Kim burst through the door with Adam keeping pace behind.  
'Nice to hear your voice!' I joked aiming a smile in Kim's direction.  
'I need you at school!' Kim moaned, 'It's like being surrounded by a pack of wild animals!'  
'I'd say that's a bit of an overstatement.' Adam laughed as he leant against the doorframe.  
'And it seems in my absence you have completely forgotten what a charger is.' She powered on as she held up my dead phone, 'Do you know how many times I needed to talk to you?'  
'Okay,' I laughed plugging in the charger, 'better now?'  
'Much.' Kim smiled before plopping down on my bed. 'You look terrible-'  
'-Thanks.' I said with a hint of sarcasm.  
'-We need to go out. Coffee's on me.' She said before walking back out into the hall not waiting for an answer.  
'We'd better go.' Adam laughed as he offered his hand.

Half an hour later the three of us were clustered round a window seat, Kim with one of her ridiculously named drinks, and it felt just like old times. Content I leant back into the wooden chair as Kim fumed and snorted about this that and the other, always remembering to drop in that I needed to go to school. I genuinely did miss it but I didn't want to risk people feeling sorry for me. That's one thing I cannot stand and it really wouldn't help. But sooner or later I needed to get my cello: I was really starting to crave it. I can't remember the last time I didn't practice for this length of time, but I was almost scared to play. What if I'd forgotten?

 **A/N: Sorry this chapter isn't great, I thought I needed to put up another one as I haven't for ages; next one will be better :)  
Thanks for reading ~ Cait09 :)  
**


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